Meninas 101

Se virem séries americanas com algumas cenas em faculdades, percebem que o “101” é a mesma coisa que termos “Matemática I” na Universidade, é a introdução ao tema. O desafio lançado pelo Tiago Antunes fez-me decidir escrever esta entrada com foco em relações pessoais, bem ao estilo da web, com links para os websites mais engraçados e interessantes.  Já que, supostamente, os meninos só se interessam por tecnologia e desporto (ugh!), e já que todos os bloggers daqui são jeitosos e super sexys, pensei em dar uma reviravolta, bem ao estilo de mulheres, ao blog.

Primeiro, queria frisar que se algo não correr bem, a culpa é do teste de alemão a1.1 que vou ter amanhã e que me está a comer a cabeça. Segundo, em forma de apresentação, chamo-me Rita, tenho 19 anos e sou do Porto, carago.

Foi coincidência ter acabado de ler o post do Tiago, quando encontrei um site muito queridinho interessante: o 44 forks. É algo em que estou particularmente interessada, com as resoluções do ano novo e com a catrafada de blogs de produtividade que leio (mas nunca cumpro). O artigo mais relacionado com o tema chama-se Dating advice for fine young unsuspecting men. Fala, essencialmente, dos cuidados a ter ao namorar com uma menina. Lembrem-se: o pai dela está sempre por perto. And “that shotgun’s always loaded.”

Faz par com um outro texto que tenho guardado do meu computador, de uma serie chamada 8 Simple Rules… for Dating My Teenage Daughter, com a Kaley Cuoco (a Penny da maravilhosa sitcom nerd The Big bang Theory), que eu nunca vi mas ouvi falar algures num fórum. E o texto é o seguinte, do ponto de vista do pai:

The 8 Simple Rules are:
* Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure as heck not picking anything up.
* Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
* Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist.
* Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you.
* Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”
* Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry.
* Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
* Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay.

Peço imensa desculpa se não está em português. Eu percebo que alguns não percebem tudo direitinho, mas eu morria só de traduzir tudo (e não é como o Bruno Aleixo diz “morria ou só ficava triste?”. Morria mesmo.).

Finalmente, e para vos distrair do facto da entrada ter ficado enorme, um link com imagens 😀 The 8 Phases of Dating. Como diz o Barney, no How I Met Your Mother: true.story.

6 Comments on Meninas 101

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


*